The PDD Memorial Quilt

In loving memory of all victims of Proventicular Dilatation Disease.

Simon

My Dear Buddy Simon,

I sit here and recall clearly, the day we met. I visited the local pet store in search of new feathered friend to bring home and love. Although I had my sights set on an amazon parrot, you immediatly caught my eye. There you were, sitting on a perch, inquisitive, silent watching me with these beautiful bright, yet scared eyes. I turned, kneeled down my your cage and gently spoke to you in a soft baby voice. The store owner came in at that moment and told me that you were not that worthy of a pet. My eyes swelled with tears. How on earth can anyone ever say something like that... especially about you? She told me, that you screamed at humans, that you bite and you just hate people and would not make a good pet. That no one could handle you so far and they could not get you to step up. That alone made me want you immediately... regardless of what faults she saw in you. I didn't see them Simon, instead, I saw a beautiful, smart, intelligent creature that only wants to be understood and loved.

I visited you day after day. I snuck you warm mushy foods under my jacket. I never touched you, nor forced you to do all the other things the store people wanted from you when you weren't ready. Instead, I wanted to "earn" your trust and love. And I did on your own time. Tears pour down my cheeks when I think of that first moment when I you stepped up and I was able to curl you up into my chest. You allowed your body weight to collapse on me. You trusted me. You trusted me to be good to you and keep you safe.

You came home with me the very next day and we became the best of friends.

You loved the fact you had 3 other african grey friends to share your life with, but had always preferred the company of me. You never saw your self as a bird... you knew that you were just like me, human. And human you were, little buddy.

You grew into a brilliant talker. Over 250 words and sentences. You sung songs like Bad, Boy, Bad boy whatcha gonna do. You asked for everything you wanted and even when you felt fear, you learned to express it by telling yourself and me "It's okay, Don't be Scared". I would hug you, you would say "give me a kiss mommy" and we'd peck our beaks together and the world was perfect....for us and all scary things just went away... so long as we had each other.

You were my best friend Simon. I told you so many secrets, and I got everything in return. The feeling of your soft feathers pressed up against my cheek, and you're little crazy sentences and words always turned my sad tears into grateful tears of joy, that I had you in my life.

We were going to be together forever, you and I. You'd tell me what to watch out for when I was old and grey and where all the walls are in our home so your granny of a mother would not walk into them when she turned old, grey and blind as a bat. Who needs an eye seeing dog when I had you? You were so good at "forecasting".

When I recall our life together, Simon, there are tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of anger and tears of utter desperation. What am I to do without you? Do you realize that you are simply the best thing that has ever happened to me? When I think about the best years of life today, I think of you immediately. You have left an impression upon my soul, like no other.

My nightmare, my biggest fear was losing you. Who ever thought that I'd wake up one day and see you not so well. Who would have known that in a matter of 48 hrs I'd having to make that godawful painstaking decision to allow you to fly free at Rainbow Bridge? Why, Simon? Why you? Why? This is all I can say... and to be honest, little buddy, that is the only thing I can say since losing you... Why ?

It all started with you not greeting me as you usually do. Shivering and being fluffed up. I knew immediately you were not well. I called the vet immediately. However, it would 2 days before you could get help. I cried and panicked because I just knew we didn't have that kind of time. So, I bought a heat lamp, curled you into a towel, slept with you against my skin to keep you warm, you accepted all my help, my caring for you. You even allowed me to tube feed you when you couldn't take a syringe any longer. I knew you were dehydrating... and I wanted to save you so desperately. I took a chance and rushed you to an animal emerg at 12 am. They gave you an IV to hydrate you till we get to the vet the next day. I stayed up all night stroking your little head, telling you over and over, "It's okay, Don't be scared","mommy loves you," and singing your favorite songs over and over. Your little eyes, drained, half closed , tired, and sunk in... tried so hard to listen to every word I was saying to you and you'd respond with a cooooo. Your way of letting me know... you appreciate everything I'm doing for you. I cried so many tears, and tried hard to be strong for you. I cherished each moment, Simon... soaking your life deep within me.

We finally get to the vet the next day at 12pm. A horrible substitute vet examined you, and was very unkind and rough handling you... do you remember how I got mad and yelled at him and took you back from and him and demanded our reg vet? No one, was going make you feel worse then you already did. I promised the best care for you Simon from the day we met. Our reg vet examined you, took Xrays and after tests that day, she concluded and suspected PDD. I cried and cried because I knew it meant that i was definitely going to lose you forever. The hardest and biggest pill I will ever swallow. She said that you were weak, in the advanced stages, and it would less then 50% we could do anything at this point to make you come around.

She left us alone. I just looked at you, dehydrated, tired, in obvious discomfort, perhaps pain, trying so hard to be brave for me... what can I do for you? We spent an hour together. I kept you warm in a blanket, curled in my arms like a baby while I poured my heart out to you. This was not my Simon... I mean, knowing Simon, he'd rather fight that darn blanket around him than want to be seen as weak. It's almost as if he showed this "ego" deflat of having to be kept like this. I just knew in my heart, Simon, that the most loving thing to do was let you go fly free once and for all. You seemed so at peace with my decision for you. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

She gave you a shot, which you didn't feel and left us alone. 10 minutes... peaceful minutes of you slowly drifting high into the sky in my arms... you left me alone. While you were drifting upwards, I sang softly, rock a bye baby and repeated over and over, how much I love you.

Simon, you have given me so much... more then any human ever has. The time we had was too short... yet it was the most fillfilling time of my life. I cry for the words, the love, the trust and the memories we shared... and I cry for the the same things will never feel in real life again. Today, I simply cry. I miss you terribly and it's just not the same without you. I feel this horrible, painful void in my heart, one which can never be filled the same way in which you molded into my soul.

You are the greatest gift of love. And I'd do it all over again knowing the result would be the same. I promise to do all that I can, to help find a cure, so that someday, no other parrot, nor parrot owner ever need to feel and go through what you and I, and all the other loving parrots and owners have gone through with this horrible, devastating disease.

Cheers to you, Simon, my brave little buddy, my special little friend. I am so glad I was able to be with you, show you love and trust from beginning to end.

Forever and ever love sent to you above, Big Mommybird.

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